revisions Custom Essay

Here’s what I’d like you to focus on in your revisions:

Find a snappy title.
Work on editing punctuation and other conventions. In particular, fix the sentence fragment that begins “Unlike Diego Molino…” (By the way, who is Diego? If he’s a classmate, specify this.)
Work on sentence fluency. Read the paper out loud and see if you can smooth the flow by reshaping sentences. For example, the end of paragraph one is very choppy. It would read far more smoothly if you reordered the clauses: “Because I graduated a year early, I was able to take a sabbatical year, and I started working…” (The Writing Lab would be of great help in this area.)
This may be a typo, but when you say “pledge,” on p. 2, I think you mean “drudge.”
Finally, I’m assuming you come up with an ending that ties together your life-changing sabbatical with writing a crackerjack college application essay that would impress even Diego.

Those are the notes my instructor gave me from the first draft, you just need to edit what he said. and yeah diego is a classmate.